Attitude

I've been thinking that maybe I need to have an attitude change at work. Well and really life in general as well. Everyone usually sees me as happy go lucky (no, I am not kidding, I've really been told that), but I sometimes let other people's attitudes change mine instead of the other way around. I let them affect how I view my day and change the way that I might interact with others.

I know it's cliche to have New Years resolutions and all, and I really didn't intend to have them this year, but I ended up pledging some to myself anyway.

Like, I'm going to be more disciplined. In every aspect. Physically, with my diet, daily workout, everything that being physically disciplined entails. Spiritually, make a conscious effort to pray everyday, to read a scripture and meditate on it as long as is needed. Emotionally, not let other people affect me, to be continuously happy and make it a point to find the good in everything. Be more discpilined in not biting my nails (yes, my nails have been stubs for the majority of my life, and not long and elegant like a good southern girls should and no, it is not an anxiety thing, I just seem to have some sort of oral fixation that I have always had since I was a toddler), keeping my apartment clean, my laundry caught up, stay on top of my finances and keep paying down my school loans so that I end up graduating (whenever that may be) completely free from debt.

And on that note of debt, I hope that you share my desire to want to start a married life once we were both debt free. It automatically takes care of so many issues that I feel become detrimental to young couples out there... though, who knows if whenever I'll meet you that we'll still be considered young... but that's beside the point. There's so much out there working against people who get married that I want to make sure that we'll have taken care of all that we can to fight the statistics that threaten a 50% rate of failure for marriages.

Coming from a divorced family myself, I hope that you will share my desire to never go through it myself. It's the reason that I am so picky about guys and in trying to find you. When I pledge, til death do us part, that is exactly what I will mean. I'll be in it for the long haul, my love, and I pray that you will be as well.

I often wonder how it would be to have you to come home to. Whether work went by quickly or slowly wouldn't matter, I think that it would be nice to come home to loving arms ready to embrace me. I fully recognize that life isn't perfect and that sometimes you wouldn't think to greet me so warmly, and maybe your day would have been bad, or you'd be tired from a long day at work. And that is completely understandable. I hope though, that even if you were upset, that you'd still hold me close if I sat down next to you on the couch. And I hope that you wouldn't try to push me away or that you would prefer to have your space. In all honesty that would truly be incredibly upsetting. But no matter what, I'd still know that you'd love me, just as I'd love you. Because I know that I will be so careful in choosing the man that I end up with (so careful in choosing you) that I could be so confident in knowing this.

In saying that, I pray that if your mood was sour, that I would have the strength not to let it affect mine, just like I am trying not to at work. And of course vice versa. I hope that by being strong and keeping a cheerful spirit would also lift your spirits... I know it would tear me apart inside just to see you upset with something.

Yours