Busy busy

It's funny how quickly life becomes so busy. How often things change and sometimes mutate...whether for the good or bad. It just happens. The days at work go by so slowly, but then the evenings fly by and before I know it I'm up, getting ready for work in the morning all over again.
I suppose then that it's a good thing I haven't found you yet; I wouldn't want you to feel neglected. This way I have a chance to live out my life before I find you and begin a completely new one. I never want to feel like I got into something with you too early, and I certainly don't want to resent you for it ever... like I have seen so many women before me do.
All I really know right now is that God's timing is key. I'll be ready when he deems me ready for you and only he truly knows when that is. For now, I'll trust in His knowledge and I pray that you will do the same love.

Yours

There are some days that just drag on and on. Today is a perfect example. My mind wanders more than it is usually prone to. I start daydreaming about driving up and down winding roads in the mountains in New Mexico and Arizona in my little car... Just a dream though.

Yours

Out there somewhere

I always start out with the best intentions. I begin writing everyday, and I always start out so strong. Then little things start to come up and I forget to write one day and one day turns into two... three... four.... And then I lose confidence in what I am writing about. I am desperately trying to fight this tendency and keep writing to you on a regular basis.


This has become something important to me because me writing you letters and hoping beyond hope that you exist somewhere out there keeps my heart somewhat satisfied and keeps me from settling with the guys that reside here with me in Lubbock, TX. Not to say that there aren't nice guys out here... I just know in my heart of hearts that you aren't here. I know that God can use me anywhere, and that if I do things that He tells me to do, I'll end up having a better life than I can even begin to anticipate. That's why I firmly believe that you are out there and that I'll find you when I finally leave Lubbock.


My friends and coworkers tell me constantly that I am too picky and that it'll take me forever to find you if I keep this bullheaded approach. I don't really care though. I'm stubborn by nature in everything and this - finding the person I am meant to be with - should be no exception. I want to be as sure as I can that my someone (you, whoever you might be) is as good a match as I can find and is in the relationship for the long haul, that I won't be just a game to him, or some conquest.


For all I know, you could be right around the corner or maybe (though I highly doubt this) I've met you and have known you for x amount of time or possibly I won't meet you for years to come. Until then, I'll wait and watch for you. Maybe you'll surprise me and catch me off guard.

Patiently,
Yours

Strength

My Someone,

This is my favorite weather. Bar none. All it does is fill me with peace... no urgency, no compelling feeling to want to do anything in particular. I end up, more often than not, sitting in my favorite chair with a glass of riesling, or if there is a sufficient chill in the air, a cup of hot cider. Though my apartment is beyond small and there is barely enough room for me in the 297 square feet, it feels emptier and emptier as the days become shorter. Though my futon is small, there is enough room on it for two bodies to share their warmth with one another and as the days drag on, I find myself longing to relinquish my perch in my favorite chair, just to be one of those bodies.

The leaves are beginning to turn and the pond near my apartment is attaining a glassy, mirror-like quality that it simply cannot acquire in the hot summer months. Each leaf that falls reminds me of a piece of clutter inside my apartment (when I am on my own, I am not the best of housekeepers - I clean much better when there is another body in the room to keep me company). I prefer during this time of the year to try to occupy myself outside of my apartment and I am rarely home to even begin to consider tidying up. When I am home, I am only reminded of what is missing from it and that becomes difficult to deal with at times.

I am facing a conundrum at this juncture of my life. My church, is stagnating. I am the only one my age and the rest are young families... I need to step up and take a role of leadership and form some sort of college group if I am to have any hope of having a connection with someone close to my age. I don't know if I have what it takes to start one up though... I don't think I am enough of a leader. But I know that it has to be done, otherwise, my church is going to continue to lack in growth and I am going to continue to disconnect from the best environment that I have been exposed to in my entire life.

I wish that you could be by my side to help me lead this new endeavor. It would be so much nicer to have someone there when things get tough... which they inevitably will. However, I do recognize that I will be stronger and better equipped if I face this seemingly insurmountable obstacle all on my own. One day, you can help me lead something or start something like this up. God has great plans for the two of us. I just know you'll be an amazing man of God, after God's own heart, like David. You can lead me with strong hands and I'll be there to back you up no matter what. I'll be there for you in every way that I possibly can as a mate, wife, partner, whatever you want to refer to me as.

I pray that as a couple we will be one that people in our future church will look up to and look to for an example of a Godly union. I have seen so many and watch in awe as they accomplish things that worldly couples cannot. There is a strength that God provides to couples who truly seek him. I know that we will have the potential to be such a couple. To be an absolute pillar of strength by God's grace and for His glory.

Steadfastly,

Yours