Busy busy

It's funny how quickly life becomes so busy. How often things change and sometimes mutate...whether for the good or bad. It just happens. The days at work go by so slowly, but then the evenings fly by and before I know it I'm up, getting ready for work in the morning all over again.
I suppose then that it's a good thing I haven't found you yet; I wouldn't want you to feel neglected. This way I have a chance to live out my life before I find you and begin a completely new one. I never want to feel like I got into something with you too early, and I certainly don't want to resent you for it ever... like I have seen so many women before me do.
All I really know right now is that God's timing is key. I'll be ready when he deems me ready for you and only he truly knows when that is. For now, I'll trust in His knowledge and I pray that you will do the same love.

Yours

There are some days that just drag on and on. Today is a perfect example. My mind wanders more than it is usually prone to. I start daydreaming about driving up and down winding roads in the mountains in New Mexico and Arizona in my little car... Just a dream though.

Yours

Out there somewhere

I always start out with the best intentions. I begin writing everyday, and I always start out so strong. Then little things start to come up and I forget to write one day and one day turns into two... three... four.... And then I lose confidence in what I am writing about. I am desperately trying to fight this tendency and keep writing to you on a regular basis.


This has become something important to me because me writing you letters and hoping beyond hope that you exist somewhere out there keeps my heart somewhat satisfied and keeps me from settling with the guys that reside here with me in Lubbock, TX. Not to say that there aren't nice guys out here... I just know in my heart of hearts that you aren't here. I know that God can use me anywhere, and that if I do things that He tells me to do, I'll end up having a better life than I can even begin to anticipate. That's why I firmly believe that you are out there and that I'll find you when I finally leave Lubbock.


My friends and coworkers tell me constantly that I am too picky and that it'll take me forever to find you if I keep this bullheaded approach. I don't really care though. I'm stubborn by nature in everything and this - finding the person I am meant to be with - should be no exception. I want to be as sure as I can that my someone (you, whoever you might be) is as good a match as I can find and is in the relationship for the long haul, that I won't be just a game to him, or some conquest.


For all I know, you could be right around the corner or maybe (though I highly doubt this) I've met you and have known you for x amount of time or possibly I won't meet you for years to come. Until then, I'll wait and watch for you. Maybe you'll surprise me and catch me off guard.

Patiently,
Yours

Strength

My Someone,

This is my favorite weather. Bar none. All it does is fill me with peace... no urgency, no compelling feeling to want to do anything in particular. I end up, more often than not, sitting in my favorite chair with a glass of riesling, or if there is a sufficient chill in the air, a cup of hot cider. Though my apartment is beyond small and there is barely enough room for me in the 297 square feet, it feels emptier and emptier as the days become shorter. Though my futon is small, there is enough room on it for two bodies to share their warmth with one another and as the days drag on, I find myself longing to relinquish my perch in my favorite chair, just to be one of those bodies.

The leaves are beginning to turn and the pond near my apartment is attaining a glassy, mirror-like quality that it simply cannot acquire in the hot summer months. Each leaf that falls reminds me of a piece of clutter inside my apartment (when I am on my own, I am not the best of housekeepers - I clean much better when there is another body in the room to keep me company). I prefer during this time of the year to try to occupy myself outside of my apartment and I am rarely home to even begin to consider tidying up. When I am home, I am only reminded of what is missing from it and that becomes difficult to deal with at times.

I am facing a conundrum at this juncture of my life. My church, is stagnating. I am the only one my age and the rest are young families... I need to step up and take a role of leadership and form some sort of college group if I am to have any hope of having a connection with someone close to my age. I don't know if I have what it takes to start one up though... I don't think I am enough of a leader. But I know that it has to be done, otherwise, my church is going to continue to lack in growth and I am going to continue to disconnect from the best environment that I have been exposed to in my entire life.

I wish that you could be by my side to help me lead this new endeavor. It would be so much nicer to have someone there when things get tough... which they inevitably will. However, I do recognize that I will be stronger and better equipped if I face this seemingly insurmountable obstacle all on my own. One day, you can help me lead something or start something like this up. God has great plans for the two of us. I just know you'll be an amazing man of God, after God's own heart, like David. You can lead me with strong hands and I'll be there to back you up no matter what. I'll be there for you in every way that I possibly can as a mate, wife, partner, whatever you want to refer to me as.

I pray that as a couple we will be one that people in our future church will look up to and look to for an example of a Godly union. I have seen so many and watch in awe as they accomplish things that worldly couples cannot. There is a strength that God provides to couples who truly seek him. I know that we will have the potential to be such a couple. To be an absolute pillar of strength by God's grace and for His glory.

Steadfastly,

Yours

Synonyms

For my Undiscovered Love,

Today, on a whim, I decided to search for synonyms of Unknown. Strange, I know, but I found several that I really enjoy. Case and point, undiscovered. Hidden, little-known, nameless, unexplored, unheard-of, unidentified, unnamed, unperceived, unrecognized, and last but not least, unrevealed. All of these describe exactly what you are to me at this moment. I am aware that somewhere out there, you are living your life, perhaps searching for me, perhaps you are perfectly content with your life the way it is. I certainly don't mind if you are just living your life without a clue that I am out in the world. It means that you are happy and satisfied right now, which I love the thought of. I want nothing more for you than to be simply happy and satisfied and one day I hope to be a part of that happiness. For now, I have to be content with the idea that you are that way at this moment, though I am not there with you.

On a day to day basis, there are so many things that would be made better if they could include you. I'd be more prone to be better about chores if you were there to sit and talk with me while I wash the dishes. Who knows, you might not even have to talk with me, I'd be happy to look over and see you laid out on the sofa, reading a book, watching tv, or possibly napping ever so peacefully. Picturing it puts a smile on my face and gives peace to my heart. Such simple dreams of mine should be easily attained. I don't need a big fancy house and you don't need to be absolutely perfect in the world's eyes. You'll be perfect for me... and... I know that I am imperfect... so, because of that you don't have to fit all of these crazy standards girls seem to have these days. But even though I don't have the absurd standards that run rampant in the female mind, I'm not going to settle for less than I deserve. And dearest, that is why I wait so patiently for you to come into my life. You are what I need, what I want, what I deserve. And you're out there... somewhere...

I don't know... maybe I've found you already. Maybe you're still out there somewhere. All I know is that whenever you make yourself known to me is when the world will make sense and when all will fall into place. Life won't get any easier, but it will certainly be more enjoyable.

Ardently,
Yours

Daily Grind

My dearest Unknown,

Another day, another dollar. Work crawls by and I begin to wonder what it is that you spend your days doing. Are you as bored as I am with a desk job? Do you wear yourself down to the bone with a grueling physical labor sort of job? Do you get to leave work issues there, or do you have to bring your work home with you?

I hope that no matter what you do, you are happy and fulfilled in doing so. Just know, my dearest that were I there with you, had we the great fortune to have met already that if you had a bad day at work I want to be there by your side to make it all better. Perhaps, have a hot meal started and on the stove when you get home. Perhaps, work the knots out of your shoulders and leave a trail of kisses along your neck.

Today has been uneventful for me. Hopefully your day has been as well.

Forever and always,

Yours

Lazy Sunday

To my unknown someone,

Today must be the most perfect day I have seen in quite some time. I'm at the edge of the water right now under my favorite tree in Maxey Park. So close to the edge in fact, that I get to watch the sky blue and pumpkin orange dragonflies dance with each other. Someday I hope to share such a dance with you.

It is on days like today that I know you are real and that somewhere out there you are existing just as I am. Though, I must confess lately I have been doubting that you are really out there, in our great wide world.

The breeze blows gently and even though it is still a warm day, a shiver runs down my spine. If you were here with me at this moment I'd bury my head in your chest, breath in your scent and snuggle as close to you as physics would allow.

My love, does the reflection of the sun on ripples of the water dancing on the lowermost branches of the weeping willow mesmerize you as it does me? Everything in nature seems to dance today. The dragonflies, the reflections of light, even the still green wisps of grass surrounding my toes. Would you dance with me too if you were here? We wouldn't need music, we'd have each other and our hearts would keep time for our feet.

So many young families are out enjoying the day. I look at them Love, and I can see our future so clearly.

Adoringly,

Yours